One Old White Guy Talks

Mar-a-Lago Inc. is proud to announce the distribution of Chutes and Ladders, the MAGA Edition (CALME). You can get the true dictatorial feeling by playing like Anything Goes Donald Trump. Send illegals packing. Impose tariffs on any import. Prosecute your enemies. There are no nice guys when you roll the dice.

Take bribes and move your pieces to any square.  Sign executive orders to eliminate your opponent’s rolls. Don’t face the chutes. Always climb the ladders to success. 

For the special price of $49.95 (with free shipping by courier pigeon), your game will be on your doorstep in no time at all or perhaps in no time, period. If you want to be the talk of your neighborhood, and not only for building a bunker in your backyard, get the exclusive faux gold-leafed version for the unbelievable price of $499.95, which includes shipping by United States Marine Humvee. Your friends will salute you when your game arrives.

Made in Bagdad, Florida, with parts imported from countries that have labor practices condemned by the World Health Organization, you’ll play CALME nightly while watching Jesse Watters rant about Biden, Hillary, and Obama. Own the liberals. Own CALME.