One Old White Guy Talks

Mar-a-Lago enterprises in conjunction with Eric and Don Junior invite you to the party of the century. Join us this New Year’s Eve for a spectacular not seen since Roman times. If you can say debauchery, you won’t want to miss King Don’s extravaganza — “The People’s Plantation: Making Servitude Great Again.” We’ll be celebrating slavery like the economic and moral engine it was. Woke will have no place at your table.

The following ticket options are now available. Payments in cash or cryptocurrency are accepted.

Slave Owner Elite Status: For $100,000 you and your party of seven will be placed at a table close to the central stage where live performers will tell the story of Uncle Obama’s Cabin. Cheer when Obama is sold to Mike “Legree” Johnson. You’ll get photographs with Steve “Sambo” Miller and Pete “Quimbo” Hegseth for framing and hanging. Be in on the action when Eva jumps out of the patriotic ten-foot cake. 

Overseer Status: For $50,000 you and your party of three will be seated within shouting distance of the Trump head table. Each guest will get a swag bag filled with goodies including a CD of slave songs, a graduation diploma from the Trump School of Bondage, and a raffle ticket for the brand-new Musk-developed Android, Daphne. She does it all and even more. 

Enslave Specialist Status: For $25,000 you and your party of three will be afforded an outdoor picnic table. Get the real feel of the era by being shackled before enjoying a fulfilling dinner of cornmeal and boiled fish. Entrance to the main hall will only be allowed if an owner calls for your services. Tickets for the Underground Railroad can be purchased at the event for an $1000. 

Everyone will be talking about the event for decades. If you’re not there, you’re nowhere. Ring in the New Year with King Don, the Vicious.