One Old White Guy Talks

Mar-a-Lago Enterprises is proud to offer gifts for MAGAnauts world wide. Don’t wait. Make America Great. Buy now.

CATAN (The Los Angeles edition) – As the US President, a player tries to be the dominant force in LA by sending in US troops, jailing Governors and Mayors, and deporting immigrants and American citizens. The winner bulldozes the most city property owned by brown people. 

PANDEMIC (RFK, Jr. edition) — Several virulent diseases have broken out simultaneously all over the world! Players try to downplay the effects of vaccines and propose alternative remedies including herd immunity to stop the spread of injections. The player, who causes the most deaths, wins.

SCRABBLE (the NOEM edition) — In this edition of the classic word game, ICE detainees must try to spell words in English without the help of a dictionary. The winner gets released from jail. The losers get flown to a country designated by Stephen Miller. 

HOMAN ROOMBA – Built with AI technology, this high-powered, automatic vacuum has suction capable of sweeping up a human 300 yards away. Called the Robo-Extractor of ICE forces, an immigrant might be shopping one moment and disappeared to Alligator Alley the next. 

LEGO (Mike Johnson edition) – With red pieces only, users build walls to stop cooperation, negotiation, and woke legislation. Make realistic-looking, oversized Jim Jordans and James Comers to block the sun and Democrat programs.  Put God back into American life by constructing ultra conservative Christian megachurches. The possibilities are endless, but the governing is finite. 

BLOWN GLASS FEEDER – For the true racists, this feeder is the perfect gift to round up immigrants for deportation. Fill the beautiful glass item with salsa, call ICE agents, and sit back and watch the arrests begin.

TRUMP ACCOMPLISHMENT POSTER – Perfect for basement dwellers who want to add pizzaz to their darkened spaces, this full sized, wall decoration lists in detail every Trump accomplishment from being born to slapping tariffs on every country in the world. Get images of Trump shaking hand with world leaders, stopping every war known to man, shooting his age on the golf course countless times, manipulating the stock market, marrying three times, and many more. 

VOUGHT Government CRUSHER – A brand new activity to let you enjoy what it feels like to impact the lives of ordinary Americans. The set comes with an oversized pepper mill and figurines of government workers from agencies like the CDC, the Department of Education, the EPA and others. Load a few figurines into the crusher chamber, twist the top and watch the bodies get pulverized. You’re the new Waste and Fraud destroyer. 

EXECUTIVE ORDER MAKER – Breakfast will never be the same. This handy griddle turns your pancakes into replicas of several Trump executive orders. After you pour on Maple syrup (made in America, of course) and dab on butter, let your youngsters read about implementing states of emergency, sending the national guard to sanctuary cities, and declaring war on South America countries. Your kids will be talking Trump in no time.