One Old White Guy Talks

Bigg, Dick, and Little, a division of Mar-a-Lago Enterprises is proud to offer assistance to US Visa seekers with a new program called “We’re not James, but We’ll Bond It for You.” If you’re coming to America and are a little short of the $15,000 required to secure passage to the States, call us now at 1-800-BIG-SCAM. Our representatives will be glad to answer all your questions and sign you up for one of our premier visa packages. Do you own a car? You qualify. Do you own property? You qualify. Do you have kids? You qualify.

We offer three options for visitors: Basic, Better, and Best. For a mere $999, our basic choice, provides all the documentation you need to come to America for 14 days. Simply, put up an approved source of collateral, and we’ll expedite the process and get you into the country like a speeding bullet. 

Want a little more security? Choose our better deal. You get everything included in the basic package and access to our 24-hour hot line letting you talk directly with one of our representatives. If you run into problems with law enforcement including ICE, we can make it all go away. Get the comfort you deserve for only $1559. Our better package also includes discount coupons to several attractions like Disney World, our national parks, and the impeachment display at the Smithsonian.

If you want to experience the high life, our best package is the answer. Of course, you’ll get all the benefits of our basic and better packages, but you’ll be amazed at what $5,000 can do. A personal concierge will be with you every step of the way to ensure you’re first in line and top of the heap. Other visitors, and even everyday Americans, will be envious of you and think you’re a member of some royal family. Your friends back home will be talking about your trip forever. But there’s more. Each family member will get a MAGA cap signed by President Trump and a personalized DVD with a welcoming message from the President. Who says money can’t buy everything.  

Take the easy route. You’ll be glad you did. Call Bigg, Dick, and Little now to start your journey to the good old USA, land of the free, home of the brave, and place of the bribe.