One Old White Guy Talks

Elon Musk, Big Balls, Steven Miller, Pam Bondi, Sean Duffy and Donald Trump are giving Elon a going a far-away party.

Donald Trump: Elon get your self over her with your Big Balls. I have something special for you. 

Steven “Thriller” Miller: That’s right Elon, The Don has something only a few of us ever get and we’re sworn to secrecy when it happens. I have one in my bedroom. It’s so totally awesome. 

Elon “The Fidget” Musk: (walks over) Here I am. Here I go. Well, well, well. Where’s Big Ball? Where’s Little Balls? Where’s any balls? Teehee. Teehee.

Donald Trump: Now that you’re going back to Tesla, rah rah, I wanted to treat you like the genius I am, and you might be one day. You DOGEd it day and night to make me the greatest ruler of all time. I have billions of reasons, and you have billions of dollars to make my executive orders stick like spaghetti on the wall of our government. Pammy dear, go ahead and unveil it!

Pam Bondi unveils a 10-foot gold statue of Trump.

Elon “The Fidget” Musk:  Oh my. Oh why. Oh goodbye. Perfect. Perfect. Perfect. 

Donald Trump: That little town of yours in Texas now has the perfect statue for its square and my ego. MAGAnauts will come from near and far to get their pictures taken with their supreme leader, me. You’ll even get some aliens, the ones from outer space, not the ones I’m deporting at will. I am king of the universe!

Big Balls: I will set up daily worship sessions. Muslims can’t out-prayer-mat us. No way.

Elon “The Fidget” Musk:  I’m shakin. I’m quaking. I’m aching for the best genes I can find in women I meet online. I thank you. My earnings thank you. My children thank you wherever they are. I’ll send thanks from Mars.

“Yawn” Sean Duffy: Before you go, Elon, can we talk Air Traffic Control systems? 

Big Balls: We got that covered, bro. 

Elon “The Fidget” Musk: I say Starlink. I say uplink. I say hyperlink. Teehee. 

Big Balls: The sky is going to be a survival of the fittest. We’re making CyberTrucks to zoom around the airspace and shoot down disobedient planes. Call it herd immunity. 

Elon “The Fidget” Musk:  It’s part of our personal-airplane-Tesla package. Who needs flight controllers when we have AI-generated vehicles that will overpopulate the heavens with drivers who can’t navigate their way to the corner drugstore let alone to Omaha? We’ll clean up America and save the government billions of dollars in social security payouts. 

“Yawn” Sean Duffy: So smart Elon. That’s what I call the “fly until you die” campaign. It’ll rival JFK, Jr.’s “If you get the shot, you’ll drop” directive. 

Steven “Thriller” Miller:  Well that’s fixed, and the Don has a dinner date. Let’s wrap this up and make America great again.

Donald Trump: Pammy, I have a little tick on my magic stick and hope you can fix it. Come along dear, the jury is still out concerning your legal talent.

Pam “Madame” Bondi: If you want the case law. Take off my bra. If you want the tort. I’ll be your escort. If you want the voir dire. I’m your admirer. 

Elon “The Fidget” Musk: Teehee.