The MAGA Magic 9 (MM9) Ball has the answers to all of your most pressing patriotic questions. Designed by conspiracy experts, you’ll amaze your friends with your fortune-telling ability. It’s simple to use and requires no thinking at all. Begin by asking the MM9 a question like “Are tariffs good for America,” shake the MM9, and turn it over to reveal the answer. The MM9 is easier to use than a voting machine and legal to bring to your polling place in all 50 states.
The MM9 provides one of the following answers to keep you MAGA ready for any occasion.
- Count on The Don.
- My reply is no to Democrats.
- My conversation is classified.
- Outlook from Mar-a-Lago is stunning.
- Very Trumpian.
- It is certainly what Trump wants.
- The Supreme Court is decidedly Trumpish.
- Trump has never had a doubt.
- MAGAliscious.
- You may rely on Trump.
- As Don sees it, yes.
- Most likely tariffs needed.
- Economic outlook good.
- Trump signs executive order. So yes.
- Yes, yes, yes.
- RINO problem. Try again.
- Ask again after stock market close.
- Better not tell you now. Security concerns.
- Cannot predict. The Don deciding.
- Concentrate and ask again using one-syllable words.
Get your MM9 today by sending your 401K savings (cash only) in a plain brown envelope to The DonGoods, P.O. Box 1700, Washington, DC 2001. Include your name, address, proof of US citizenship, and lifetime voting record. Be in the know. Don’t wait.
One Old White Guy Talks 
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