One Old White Guy Talks

You’ve heard of California Psychics. Well, the Trump team has a new offering to one up what California can do. Approved by MAGAs everywhere, get your free reading by heading to Florida Psychos. 

Our Psychos have gone through a rigorous screening process, even more meticulous than a Senate confirmation hearing, and must score a ten on our Hannibal Lecter Test. We pick our psychos with guidance from Charles Manson. All our psychos have a total disregard for the feelings and rights of others. 

Don’t take our word. Listen to what our customers have said.

Joey, 45, Oblong, Illinois, “My psych reading was spot on. Claire identified my real problem–a mother issue that could only be solved by making love to Anastasia my sex doll. On top of that, Florida Psychos got me Anastasia at a 30% discount. I’m more than satisfied now.”

Allison, 29, Rainbow City, Alabama, “I was completely lost and aimless. My relationships were broken and so was I. Then, I saw an ad for Florida Psychos while watching reruns of “Tales of Tomorrow.” John let me talk and gave me the best advice – rob local pharmacies and steal bottles of clozapine. The look of terror on victim’s faces thrilled me more than an orgasm. I’m back to abnormal!”

Jed, 67, Parma, Ohio, “After I freed the four women I had kidnapped in the 1990s, I thought my life was over. I moved here from Kentucky thinking a change in scenery would inspire me. Not really. Finally, I chatted with Don from Florida Psychos. He was awesome and let me know I could be a man again by subjugating the less fortunate. I made weekly trips to downtown Cleveland and found a woman in need. I’d offer her a hot meal and a room. I’d release her after a few days, but I had direction again.”

So don’t wait, call our hotline at 1-800-PSY-CHOS. You won’t be disappointed.