One Old White Guy Talks

Trump is on his golden golf cart throne surrounded by several advisers on their golf pushcart thrones.

Mike “Jaunty” Johnson leads Representatives French “Kiss” Hill, August “Loser” Pfluger, Tracey “Klan” Mann into the room.

Steven “Thriller” Miller: Down on your knees. You are in the presence of the greater than greatest one, the knower of all that he knows, the ruler who has more inches than any ruler. Your reckoning is due.

French “Kiss” Hill, August “Loser” Pfluger, and Tracey “Klan” Mann (in unison): O, we beg you Deemer of all good things, show us mercy, we will never again disobey your most prescient requests. 

The Don: I call you lowly slime and I call you vermin of the earth. Mercy is a thing of the past. My future is beyond your ken. Barbie is beyond your ken. Grovel some more.

French “Kiss” Hill, August “Loser” Pfluger, and Tracey “Klan” Mann (in unison): Oh, the IQ that all IQs aspire to be, oh lover that all women want to be loved by, oh bronzed body that Adonis can only dream of, we are but levers for you to pull, cogs for your gears, balls struck by the mightiest of your strokes. You, the one who asks all questions, will never again have to question our fealty.  

The Don: Talk, talk, talk. I feel a need to expel you into the hinterlands to freeze in the abysmal tundra. A lesson should be made of your actions to dispel thoughts of independence. I am the only one who can reveal all that I know that is good and sane. You are worms to be crushed.

Mike “Jaunty” Johnson (whispering to The Don): Most gracious savior, we have but a slim margin in the house that represents you. Be wise as you always are oh ruler of every universe. A lesson must be taught but do not kill the delinquent to destroy the promise. 

The Don: Beg a little more. Beg like dogs facing death.

French “Kiss” Hill, August “Loser” Pfluger, and Tracey “Klan” Mann (in unison): Oh, the one we can only adore from afar because your magnificent intellect blinds us. You are the brightest star of all universes, the most sanguine of all solar systems, the dark hole that eradicates woke thoughts. We will eat Alpo in your name and drink rancid river water to honor your legacy. Please adjust us oh Don-o-mite. 

The Don: Oh Stevie, you are the vindictive and inhumane one. What should we do to these infidels?

Steven “Thriller” Miller: Lord Don, we will take them to the horror chamber of normalcy and burn a large MAGA emblem on their chests to mark them for life. This has been taught to us by the great Nathaniel Hawthorne. We will imprison the three in our own House of Seven Gables for a year, feeding them little, cleansing their thoughts, and letting them out only to fulfill the votes you need to redevelop the American landscape by dotting the soil with Trump towers that all government employees must occupy and remit to you half of their salaries to fatten your treasure chest.

The Don: Let it be done!