Dear Donny,

When we first met sparks flew like launching a nuclear missile at Japan. I couldn’t resist your charm. You were what my father always told me to look for in a mate—Dark, Handsome and Foolish. You came on to me like Putin’s invasion of Crimea. I succumbed.

Those were the days. Weren’t they? We made headlines. We made promises. We almost made love, but Melania came into the room. The world wrote about our every move. I wrote you letters expressing my feelings. You wrote me on the back of napkins.

But Donny, it’s over. The decision was oh so hard for me. Maybe, I changed. Maybe, it was how you swooned over Pete Hegseth. Maybe, it was the tape Putin showed me during my trip to China. We had our fun, chumming around like Epstein school girls. I’ll always cherish the portrait you sent me signing it with “Your one and only. Love you always, Big Wong Don.”

You need to move on too. You have a few years to find that special person. The person who will be by your side to hold you up if you stumble. The person who will whisper in your ear telling you how great you are. I can’t do it anymore.

Vlad and Xi gave me the strength and a few dollars, to write this letter. They made promises that I couldn’t refuse. They were like lovers in my moment of need.

I’ll remember our good times together. No one can take that away from us. I hope we can still be friends.

Sincerely,

Kimmy