One Old White Guy Talks

President Donald J. Trump, the U.S. Department of Justice, the Department of Homeland Security, and the Internal Revenue Service have sued Babbling Books for the proposed publication of Where’s Jeffrey. 

Babbling’s CEO I. Stammer said the suit is fruitless and an affront to freedom everywhere. “The President has skin as thin as monofilament fishing line and is old and grouchy. I’ll stand by the Bill of Rights until ICE tries sending me to Alligator Alcatraz. I dare them. And anyway, the book is right up Trump’s alley. It’s a picture book that even Barron can understand.”

Lawyers representing the President called the book treasonous, anti-American, and a threat to the country’s security. According to David Warrington, “There’s a reason “war” is part of my name. I’ll fight like hell to stop the publication of Where’s Jeffrey.  This country doesn’t need scumbag books that make up stories to paint the best President ever as a friend of Epstein. The two never met, never took trips together, and never talked about dating techniques.”

Advance sales of the publication have been brisk requiring two additional printings. “When the public speaks, we put in our hearing aids,” Stammer stammered. “We take out our canes and walk a mile in their shoes. We try their new Kool-Aid concoction. We’re not going the route of CBS, ABC, or Columbia University.”

Asked about the book at an Oval Office presser, Trump said, “The book is another Obama plot to take me down. It’s all a witch hunt. I only knew of Jeffrey Epstein. It’s not as if I golfed with him.”