One Old White Guy Talks

Mar-a-Lago Enterprises and the WWE announce a special pay-per-view event, “The War in the Desert,” to take place on September 1, 2025, at Las Vegas’s T-Mobile Arena. This once-in-a-lifetime extravaganza will feature your favorite Tech Bros in a no-hold-barred cage match with special referee J.D. Vance. Among the participants confirmed at press time are:

Mark “Zigzag” Zuckerberg (submission move—the Blockchain Binder)

Elon “Manchild” Musk (submission move—the Tesla Tourniquet)

“Rin Tin” Tim Cook (submission move—the Final Compiler)

Jeff “Superbad” Bezos (submission move—the Cyber Crucifix)

The Son of Sam Altman (submission move—the Dark Web Winch)

Slithering Sundar Pichai (submission move—the Python Sandwich)

Also, on the sub card you won’t want to miss the tag team match pitting Walloping Laura Ingraham and Maria “The Hammer” Bartiromo versus Clobbering Katy Tur and Stephanie “Dead Cool” Ruhle to decide the Fake News World Championship. Karoline “Misrepresent It” Leavitt will referee the contest.

Finally, Baron Trump will face himself in a two-out-of-three fall challenge pitting his arms against his legs in a coordinated effort to crown a spastic winner. 

Tickets are available from the Department of Homeland Security. A special drawing of four ringside seats will be held prior to the event from a list of individuals who have turned their neighbors into ICE officials. 

Mark the date on your calendar. Tattoo the date onto your chest. Make the date your destiny.