One Old White Guy Talks

The UAE/Qatar streaming network, Quack, is proud to announce its fall line up of game shows. Funded exclusively by big oil exports, the new offerings will have something for everyone and nothing for most Americans. Interested U.S. citizens can apply by contacting their congressional representatives. Marjorie Taylor Greene will head a committee of incels to select the final contestants. 

Wheel of Misfortune

Based on the game of hangman, in each round, three players compete to be the first to guess the answer to a word puzzle and win cash and prizes that must immediately be donated to President Trump for placement at his Presidential library, a small studio apartment in NYC. The losing contestants will be sent to Guantanamo for an unspecified time period, period.

You’re in Jeopardy

This quiz competition reverses the traditional question-and-answer format of many similar shows. The contestants are given answers and must identify the person, place, thing, or idea that the clue describes, phrasing each response in the form of a question. Under DOGE’s direction the categories will remain the same throughout the season to save money.  The six categories are: Trump Is Always Right; Drill Baby Drill; Liberation Day; Tired of Winning; Stable Genius Quotes; and Alternative Facts. The Final Jeopardy category will be Trump Trials. Contestants will be selected from a pool of journalists vetted by Karoline Levitt. Winners will get White House Press Corps passes, and losers will be sent to Venezuela. 

The Price Use to Be Right

Contestants guess the prices of Walmart merchandise after tariff impositions to win coupons and loans. Game players will be chosen from American small business owners. Winners will receive tariff breaks, and losers will file for bankruptcy.  

The Trump Family Feud

Eric and Don, Jr., and their families will face off on a weekly basis to see how oblivious they are to issues facing Americans. The Trumps will try to answer question like “name a household chore that the average person does;” “name a word that rhymes with poor;” and “name something that used to be affordable.” At the end of each show, watch President Trump come out and berate the son who was that week’s loser. 

The MAGA Newlywed Game

Newly married MAGA couples compete against each other in a series of revealing question rounds to determine how brainwashed the couples are. Tune in to see if couples agree on questions like “Is Trump the second coming of God;” “Are Liberals always Devil Worshippers;” “Because Trump works so hard, no one should complain about his golf weekends;” “Are there any good immigrants;” and “If I had my way, I’d get rid of the other two branches of government.” Free divorces will be arranged at the end of each show, if necessary. 

Annual Quack subscriptions, fully tax deductible, are now available at a pre-launch price of $59.95. Order before your last Independence Day, 7/4/2025, and receive a Trump poster depicting the President signing an executive order defunding PBS. Sign up for Quack now.  Posters are limited.