One Old White Guy Talks

King Don: I just won the club championship again. There is no stopping me now. My swing is in a groove. My putting is the best. My caddie understands the score—the score I tell him, or his next stop will be El Salvador. Ain’t that right Stevie?

Steven “Thriller” Miller: Oh holiest of the holiest man that ever lived, America is shouting for joy at your ascendence and vision of a country in which the scourge of illegals is wiped away, a country that know tariffs are the crown jewels of your magnificent reign, and a country that is awash in the aura of revival under a tent that stretches from shore to shore. But most brilliant of the brilliant stars, we have a little issue that needs your attention.

King Don: Bring me a cheeseburger and coke, and I will shower you with Presidential belches and burps of advice. 

Steven “Thriller” Miller:  It is about the Hegseth man. His tattoos are fading with his competence. He is operating with loose lips that could bring you hardship. 

King Don: But he looks so good with his slicked back hair and young body. Did you see him do those push-ups? He made me tingle when his brow was sweaty and his muscles tight. Can’t we keep him as my mouthpiece without him opening his mouth?

(Robert Kenned, Jr. walks in)

Robert “The Pawn” Kennedy: Measles. Measles. Measles. All they want to talk about is little white dots on the skin of Americans. Measles is caused by obesity, obesity is caused by bacteria, and bacteria is caused by the WOKE agenda. 

Steven “Thriller” Miller:  Bobby boy, we’re talking serious business here. The great burger man is contemplating the Hegsethian legacy. 

Robert “The Pawn” Kennedy: Now, that man needs some measles. We’ll send him to Texas to mingle with the infected. When he develops the symptoms, we’ll isolate him in a containment unit and deny access to him. Problem solved. Or wait, I have one better. We’ll make him the poster boy for adult autism, high functioning autism. No one will be able to discredit him for any discredit he creates. Problem solved twice.

King Don (with a mouth full of burger): Bobby, you’re off your rocker and it had lost one rai already. We could send Hegseth to the Ukraine front and have my friend Vlad call in a drone and target the Indiscreet Pete leaving him with a brain injury which won’t be hard since his brain is little more than a pea. Incapacitated, I can replace him without having to say I’m sorry because I never say I’m sorry. I can appoint Mikey Flynn to the post under the Trump Emergency Act—I declare an emergency, and anything goes. 

Steven “Thriller” Miller:  Oh, most ingenious one, the people will never know the Trump Emergency Act was created at 2am when you arose and deemed it so. You are brilliant as always. 

Robert “The Pawn” Kennedy: Can I get a Measles Act knower and curer of all diseases? With your superior intelligence, you can declare measles as the sickness of liberalism. The disease is made of progressive cells and when you scratch them, they spread rapidly.  Measles causes sore throats or what I call Bernie Sanders speaking. Fever is another sign of the dreaded disease like the veracity of AOC. It all fits my Lord.

King Don:  I think I will make it so. Take this down Stevie. 

Give me your infected, your on the fritz,

Your deadly tonic slurping down your lip,

The bimbo body of your sickly shore.

Send these, the misfits, back to their pits, 

I dull my lamp beside the locked steel door!”

Steven “Thriller” Miller:  Oh, master. Your poetry is like a Reich marching goosestep through time!

Robert “The Pawn” Kennedy: Oh Sayer of most thing unsaid, I am welling up with tears. You bring truth back to untruth. You bring reason back from reasonable. When history sees you, you will be unseen in books worldwide. Let us pray to you to vanquish signals from the Hegseth man and turn them into validation of your policies. 

King Don: I have solved it all. My tee time awaits.