One Old White Guy Talks

Coal-fired electricity generation for this generation which will cause respiratory diseases in the next generation is essential to ensuring that our Nation’s grid is as reliable as my recent annual physical results and that electricity is affordable for the American people who will not be able to pay for it, and to promoting our Nation’s energy security like a jock strap.  The Federal Government, that is me, plays a pivotal role similar to Mel Gibson’s in the Mad Maxseries in ensuring that the Nation’s power supply remains bought by and sold to special interests who purchase my cryptocurrency. Forcing, a word I’ve used in all my dating situations, energy producers to comply with unattainable, as defined by the producers themselves, emissions controls jeopardizes my missionary position. 

NOW, THEREFORE, I, DONALD J. TRUMP, President of the United States of America, God to the World, and Darling of the Darling I Look at in the Mirror, by the authority vested in me by the Constitution, a document that applies to peons everywhere and the laws of the United States of America (Laws. We don’t need no stinking laws.) do hereby proclaim from my golden throne at Mar-a-Lago, the palace of the Trump dynasty, that coal-fired electricity is more exciting than wind turbines and solar panels. In that respect, I am suspending anything that Joe “The Denyin’” Biden put in place while sunbathing in Delaware. This halting will bring back prosperity the likes of richness never seen before in my bank accounts. From this day forward, I am deeming “Burn Baby Burn” the slogan of the year because as a child all I got was coal in my stocking.IN WITNESS WHEREOF, I have hereunto set my hand on the shoulders of my followers this eighth day of April, in the year of our Lord, better known as The Don, two thousand twenty-five, and of the Independence, soon to a thing of the past, of the United States of America the two hundred and forty-ninth, a number that coincides with the times I’ve been club champion at my various golf courses.