One Old White Guy Talks

The following is partial text of the executive order to make English the official language of the U.S. before the document was edited by the National Council of Teachers of English, a group that lost its federal funding by chainsaw.

“By de authority vested in me as Presidence by the Constantution and dem laws of the Untied States of ‘merica, it is here close by ordained:

From de foundling of our Republick, ‘Merican has been bigly close to our nashnul language.  Our Nation’s histrionic governing dogeuments, including the Declaration of Depends and the Constitutional, have all been riddled in ‘Merican.  Tis therefore long passed the due date for ‘Merican to be decried as the offensive language of the dese here States.  A nashnul debased language is at de apple core of a corrosive society, and dese here States is strangled by a chicanery that can freely exchange ideas in cryptocurrency. …

To promote unicorns, cultivate a white ‘merican culture for all sitasins, ensure fraud in gov’ment, and deny a pathway to civic ingagement, it is in ‘merica’s innerest for da Feudal Government to deign one — and only one because we can’t count to two — oral gel language.  Establishing ‘Merican as the language used to arrest ferin values and coerce a more sticky and icky society.”