One Old White Guy Talks

As the leader of DOGE, Elon “Disgusty” Musk has ordered an AI review of all city names in the United States. “Look,” Musk mutters, “if we don’t undo the 200-year liberal wokeness of designating cities, towns, and other places where people gather to pretend to be patriotic, we’re headed for a complete destruction of this here great country. Take Matamoras, Pennsylvania, for example, and, in fact, take it and dump it in the Delaware. Its name is derived from the Mexican city of Matamoros, which was the first city to be occupied by U.S. troops during the Mexican-American War, which I call the American-American War. How could we let this happen? It’s all a liberal ploy to indoctrinate our youth. Plain and simple. We have thousand if not hundred of thousands of situations like this from coast to coast—Berlin, Ohio; Shanghai, West Virginia; Cairo, Georgia; Cordova, Alabama; Peru, Iowa, just to name a few. Despicable. We will be renaming these places with real, true American letters to form real, true America, or even just numbers. Think of names like One, California; Techno, Texas; Fake News, Florida; Trump, Tennessee; or MAGA, Mississippi. It must be done now!